9 Lies that Happy People Refuse to Believe
4/12/2016
Growing up is hard enough. Why make it harder on purpose?
I remember being 11-years old and getting plucked from one country to
another – Iran to Turkey to be exact – only to be plucked again at 14
from Turkey to America. Try adjusting as a normal kid in an American
high school as a kid from the middle east. Yeah. That was not fun.
I’m sure your childhood was hard in its own way. Your family doesn’t
have to move across countries and oceans and introduce you to double
culture shocks for childhood to be hard. A stupid kid bullying you is
enough to give you self-esteem issues for years. A rejection from your
first attempt at dating can be traumatic enough to make you doubt
yourself for years.
So if you had a hard time growing up to be confident, independent, and accepting of yourself, then you are not alone, darling, and thankfully, neither am I.
But one day, you wake up as an adult – and even if you don’t feel
like an adult, you still get to be the dreadful age you never EVER
imagined you would be, 20 something, 30 something or gasp, 40 something
and beyond – and it turns out that those assumptions you made about
life, people, and most importantly, about your own amazing self, turn
out to be false. Untrue. Lies even. Awful, terrible and harmful lies.
What now? You need a new game plan, that’s what.
What actually happens when you feed the lies?
Do you know what happens when you believe something that is not true?
It destroys the purity of your spirit. It takes away the richness of
life and gives you dull colors and grey skies in exchange. It robs of
your joy, your genius, your worthiness and you allow it to keep
happening because you don’t even know the depth of damage.
How terrible is this? Whilst you wouldn’t admit it loudly, you held
on to a “fact” for years – even decades – because some fat bully from
middle school called you a name and everyone – or rather, three junior
bullies around him or her – laughed at you. When you went home, you told
nobody about what happened, and you called them dummies and idiots but a
sliver of doubt began to form inside you and a part of you wondered if
they were right.
Newsflash: They weren’t. They were just too dumb to know any better.
Those stupid bullies had their own issues. Perhaps their parents did
not know how to love them and raise them to be compassionate adults.
Perhaps their parents had awful upbringings of their own and the cycle
just continued, but know this: they were wrong and what they said was
anything but true.
Maybe you can find it in your heart to forgive them and then to forgive yourself for believing the falsehood, and for betraying yourself all these years.
Maybe you can begin the healing right now, because false assumptions
are not your fault, these are lies that your mind loves to tell you.
But here’s the kicker: the healing part is entirely in your hands. You don’t have to live an unhappy life now because of what happened then. You can either begin to heal those wounds, or to continue hurting.
If you want to heal, and stop being so unsatisfied with your life,
keep reading the 9 lies you tell yourself, lies that hold you back in
life, lies that no happy person would believe in their right mind.
9 Lies Your Mind Loves to Tell You
1. She/he can do that because ______ but I can’t do that.
Nonsense. Complete and utter nonsense. What is it others can do that
you can’t do? Run a marathon? Be flexible? Get straight As? Look
glamorous? Make a lot of money? All of the above? Be careful what your
mind tells you because that’s where your future is shaped, right there
in between your own ears. Decide to believe you can do whatever the hell
you desire, and nothing can stop you.
2. I need ______ in order to do _____.
Do you, really? This “I need something to happen before something else can happen”, is it true? I need money to be happy. I need a job and a raise
before I can find friends. I need furniture before I can throw a party.
I need friends to be loved. I need a house/car/nice clothes to be
successful. Total rubbish. You need only inner peace, a determined mind
and an open heart to go for anything. The rest is detail.
3. I don’t feel like it.
This is not a fact, this is a transitory mood, and you are a powerful
human being and can decide to be in any mood you wish. That’s right.
Your own mood is within your own power. But only yours, not anyone
else’s so stick to you. Here’s the cure to the “I don’t feel like it” syndrome.
4. I am too old / too broke / too ______ to change.
More nonsense. Age is a state of mind, and most of us are too young
to even know the meaning of this phrase. But our thinking makes us old,
it ages us faster, and it robs our energy and productivity. So next time
you hear this lie, re-phrase it: I am the perfect age, the perfect
financial stage, the perfect time and place in my life to make this
change.
5. It’s easy for you to say.
What does that even mean? Of course things are easy to say. They are
easier to say than to do, because doing takes effort. Do you want to
just snap your fingers like a little genie to get everything you want?
Is anything less disappointing and unacceptable? Then perhaps you landed
in the wrong universe. Stop saying this useless rubbish phrase. Replace
it with it’s possible for me. It’s entirely possible for me. Then go
for it.
6. I should or should not ______
Should is a funny word, it makes us feel all important and
self-disciplined, and I used to “should” all over the place but I see
just how much this sneaky word limited me. When you hear your mind go
here, ask why? Explore. Go deeper. What is the assumption that makes you
say that? And perhaps, we just abuse the poor word so here’s a good
use: You should indeed do whatever it is you desire. No?
7. That’s not fair. Life isn’t fair.
And who defines fair? Arguing with reality is a lose-lose game, as Byron Katie so beautifully points out in The Work.
Ask yourself instead: Is it absolutely true that it’s not fair, and
find at least one thing that is purely and utterly and sweetly fair in
your life, and that breaks down the lie for you right there.
8. Nobody understands me. I am all alone
Impossible. You mean in the billions of people populating this
universe, nobody understands you. Or do you mean just of the 15 people
in your immediate surrounding? That’s not everyone. Everyone is a big
number, and you can explore to the end of time and not get finished
getting to them all. Instead, why not say, those I hang out with
regularly don’t seem to understand me, perhaps I should surround myself
with those who do. Then do just that.
Example: If you want to be an entrepreneur, stop hanging out with corporate types. Join the right communities, like this one.
9. It’s not my fault. It’s theirs.
Do you secretly blame your parents, teachers, boss, spouse/partner or
kids? You can keep doing it, just know that there is no way to escape
lifelong bitterness and unhappiness if you do. There is no blaming in
the journey to happiness and inner peace. There is acceptance and taking absolute responsibility for your own happiness.
You do want to be happy, don’t you?
Your turn? What’s the worst lie you believe?
So leave a comment below to tell me your thoughts. This was a bit
of tough love but someone has to tell you about the lies you tell
yourself or you’d go on believing life to be anything less than
extraordinary.
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