Confidence is an extremely attractive personality trait. It can be attractive to the opposite sex and dating situations and it is essential for success in the workplace and in any sort of self-employed business endeavor.

Confidence is a trait that is naturally built with time. After period of successes you cannot help to gain confidence and grow more self-assured.

This does not mean the confidence is not also a habit that you can be intentionally built and reinforced. Confidence can be intentionally nurtured.

One of the very best ways to build confidence is with a simple, "fake it, till you make it" attitude. What I mean by this is that if you take steps to act and looked confident all times, you will slowly begin to become more confident. As you gain confidence and begin to have small successes your confidence will grow. Soon enough you'll be as confident as were once pretending.

You can choose confidence, or you can choose shyness. If you learn the habit of confidence, the choice is still yours. Below are 10 of the keys to building a confidence habit. If you intentionally follow many of the steps below, and try to act confident, soon enough you'll begin to become confident.

10 Keys to Developing the Confidence Habit

1. Never Fidget

Confident people don't fidget. All movements are slow and with purpose. Tapping your foot, drumming your figures on the tables and other types of fidgety moves all show off a lack of comfort in your surroundings which is a sure sign of lack of confidence.

2. Assume your Right to Space

Confident people make large and splashy hand gestures. They have no problem spreading out their files at a meeting. They will lounge in a chair or the couch like they own the place, because in the mind of the confident person, they do. Sometimes shoulder confident can all be about real estate. No one is going to invite you to take up more space, if you're confident you'll grab it.

3. Make Eye Contact

Looking people in the eye is one of the keys of confidence. You want to spend a good two or three seconds looking someone in the eye when you meet them. When you're talking to people make sure you also gaze into their eyes. Never look down or look at your feet. Not only is keeping someone's gaze a good confidence habit, but it also shows you clearly when you're going off track and losing people in the conversation.

4. Maintain Good Posture

Shoulders back, chest out and keep your head level. If your mother was like mine, she may have constantly harped on you about having good posture. Now I know why, and I appreciate all those lessons. Poor posture is an outward manifestation of poor self-esteem. It is as simple as that. Walk around like you have a steel pole up your spine and you will simply exude confidence.

5. Do Not Try to Please Everyone

Confident people know that it is impossible to please everyone. If someone disagrees with your point of view, fine, they have a right, but you will not bend to try to make everyone happy.

6. Speak Slowly

Watch a few of the great speeches. Notice how Martin Luther King, John Kennedy and others speak slowly and with purpose. While you do not need to develop that, "speech cadence" you can learn something from the speed. People who want to sound confident do not rush out their words. Speaking slowly also gives you the time to think of the right word. Speak slowly, pause for effect and make your words important. Confident people know that the listeners will wait to hear what they have to say.

7. Be Yourself

You are trying to act more confident, but you do not need to act like somebody else. Acting confident is more about being the best version of yourself rather than trying to be somebody else. Confident people know that they have no need to apologize for who they are. Be bold, be yourself and be confident!

8. Make Them Work for that Laugh or Smile

People who lack confidence will often smile and laugh a lot to cover their lack of self-assurance. If you are acting confident you not feel the need to assure other people at the funny. Something genuinely makes you laugh... laugh, but don't feel the need to insert laughter just to make others feel better. Make people work for that smile or grin.

9. If you do not Know it; do not Say it.

There's saying I've always loved, "it is better to keep quiet and have people think you are stupid, rather than open your mouth and have them be sure". Never feel the need to jump into a conversation, "just because". If you have nothing to say on topic, say nothing. If you don't know an answer, don't guess. If you always talk about subjects you have real knowledge about and come up with answers that are always right people remember those and not the times you remained silent. Remember that no one can know everything, and not knowing is perfectly fine.

10. Pause When you Speak

People who are nervous and lack self-assurance are scared of silence. Confident people know that silence is their best friends. Moments of silence give time to gather your thoughts and make sure the things you say are impactful and thoughtful.

Confidence is just one of hundreds of good habits that you can and should be trying to build.

One of the biggest obstacles to personal and career success is anger. When we fail to control our anger, we suffer several blows: 

Anger impedes our ability to be happy, because anger and happiness are incompatible. 

Anger sends marriages and other family relationships off-course. 

Anger reduces our social skills, compromising other relationships, too. 

Anger means lost business, because it destroys relationships. 

Anger also means losing business that you could have won in a more gracious mood. 

Anger leads to increased stress (ironic, since stress often increases anger). 

We make mistakes when we are angry, because anger makes it harder to process information. 

People are beginning to wake up to the dangers of anger and the need for anger management skills and strategies. Many people find anger easy to control. Yes, they do get angry. Everybody does. But some people find anger easier to manage than others. More people need to develop anger management skills.

Develop your anger management skills

For those who have a tough time controlling their anger, an anger management plan might help. Think of this as your emotional control class, and try these self-help anger management tips:

ANGER MANAGEMENT TIP #1

Ask yourself this question: "Will the object of my anger matter ten years from now?" Chances are, you will see things from a calmer perspective.

ANGER MANAGEMENT TIP #2

Ask yourself: "What is the worst consequence of the object of my anger?" If someone cut in front of you at the book store check-out, you will probably find that three minutes is not such a big deal.

ANGER MANAGEMENT TIP #3

Imagine yourself doing the same thing. Come on, admit that you sometimes cut in front of another driver, too ... sometimes by accident. Do you get angry at yourself?

ANGER MANAGEMENT TIP #4

Ask yourself this question: "Did that person do this to me on purpose?" In many cases, you will see that they were just careless or in a rush, and really did not mean you any harm.

ANGER MANAGEMENT TIP #5

Try counting to ten before saying anything. This may not address the anger directly, but it can minimize the damage you will do while angry.

ANGER MANAGEMENT TIP #6

Try some "new and improved" variations of counting to ten. For instance, try counting to ten with a deep slow breathe in between each number. Deep breathing -- from your diaphragm -- helps people relax.

ANGER MANAGEMENT TIP #7

Or try pacing your numbers as you count. The old "one-steamboat-two-steamboat, etc." trick seems kind of lame to me. Steamboats are not the best devices to reduce your steam. How about "One-chocolate-ice-cream-two-chocolate-ice-cream", or use something else that you find either pleasant or humorous.

ANGER MANAGEMENT TIP #8

Visualize a relaxing experience. Close your eyes, and travel there in your mind. Make it your stress-free oasis.

One thing I do not recommend is "venting" your anger. Sure, a couple swift blows to your pillow might make you feel better (better, at least, than the same blows to the door!), but research shows that "venting" anger only increases it. In fact, speaking or acting with any emotion simply rehearses, practices and builds that emotion.

If these tips do not help and you still feel you lack sufficient anger management skills, you might need some professional help, either in the form of a therapist specializing in anger management or a coach with a strong background in psychology.

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