Relationships are under a lot of pressure these days and I want to help. There are certain basic guidelines that can benefit any two people trying to build a truly happy and meaningful relationship. Here are 10 of my favorite timeless guidelines for building a better relationship.

10 Timeless relationship guidelines

1. Listen with your ears and your heart. It is extremely important to listen to your partner when they try to communicate with you. Communication is the life blood of a good relationship. Giving them your undivided attention is a sign of deep respect, but don’t just hear them with your ears, make sure that your heart is listening also.  Instead of nitpicking over their choice of words try to hear the real meaning behind their words. If they want to talk when you are in the middle of something important, unless it’s an emergency, suggest a time when you’ll be able to pay closer attention.
2. Never, ever keep score. Don’t walk around with a watchful eye making sure your partner carries their share of the workload. Instead, take the view that it doesn’t matter if you end up doing more than half of what has to be done. There is absolutely no benefit to trying to make sure that everything in your relationship is divided fifty-fifty. Do what you can reasonably do and avoid making comparisons. Unless your spouse is very lazy or refuses to take responsibility in general, don’t keep track of who does more and who does less.
3. Don’t criticize in public. Being criticized can be tough to take under the best of conditions, but especially in front of other people. All it does is humiliate your partner and raise their defenses. When you embarrass your mate in public it weakens the bonds of intimacy and can undermine your relationship. The same principle applies if you have children. Criticizing your partner in the presence of your children undermines their authority with the kids and can cause them to develop an attitude of disrespect. This is especially true if your mate is a stepparent.
4. Don’t fight about money. Money is a highly emotionally charged subject, especially when couples are feeling a financial squeeze. Disagreements about money have always been among the most common causes of relationship conflicts and this trend has escalated dramatically since the economic downturn. Money problems can cause tremendous stress which seems to form a catalyst for frustration based agitation. When money is tight it’s vital to seek a solution together as a couple. If you lean on each other your already happy relationship will actually get stronger during tough times.
5. Eliminate “always” and “never” from your vocabulary. When your mate does something wrong, exaggerating the offense will only make things worse. Nobody likes to be told that they always make the same mistake or that they never do what they should have done. It may seem like that is the case when you are upset, but how do you feel when someone lays the same accusation on you? Thinking in exaggerated terms is nothing more than a bad habit that only agitates a situation and undermines your relationship. Try replacing words like always and never with more realistic, less accusatory terms like often or sometimes. You will feel much less angry inside.
6. Build trust into your relationship. Trust doesn’t happen by accident, it’s up to you to earn it. This may take some effort if your partner has been betrayed in the past and still carries the emotional scars. If you want to be trusted then avoid behavior that creates distrust. Be mindful not to get too close with or flirt with members of the opposite sex. Even if your motives start out innocent, in reality you are just inviting problems into your relationship. Your partner may start to feel threatened or you might begin to view that other person as an alternative in the event that your relationship doesn’t work out. Be resolved to do all you can reasonably do to give your partner every reason to trust you completely.
7. Only make favorable comparisons. This is something that you need to be very careful with because making comparisons can be a two edged sword. Being compared with some exceptional person in a positive way can really brighten your partner’s day. On the other hand, making an unfavorable comparison is something you never want to do because it will cause your partner to feel either inadequate or jealous. And whatever you do don’t compare them to your ex. In fact, don’t even talk about a past  relationship. It is much better to just leave the past in the past and focus on the present.
8. Work at fulfilling your mate’s emotional needs. When a person’s most important emotional needs are met, they feel content and fulfilled. Conversely, when a person’s most important emotional needs are not being met, they feel empty, lonely, unfulfilled, or frustrated. Granted, every person has the responsibility to try and meet their own needs, but you can help.  Making a concerted effort to help fulfill the most important emotional needs of your mate will go a long way toward building a happier relationship. As you work to discover and help fill the needs of your partner you will find that your own needs are also being met. This is truly a win for everyone involved.
9. Be ready to forgive. We all make mistakes and when we do we appreciate it when the people we care about give us the benefit of the doubt. Well, this is a two way street and we should be willing to forgive when the opportunity arises. It’s been said that a happy relationship is made up of two good forgivers. One of the ways we can show a forgiving attitude is by not holding unrealistic expectations. This takes into account the fact that no one is perfect and sets the stage for built in forgiveness. Anything that fosters feelings of togetherness helps build your happy relationship and that is exactly what a forgiving attitude does.
10. Cultivate an attitude of gratitude. Any relationship worth building up and strengthening is something to be deeply grateful for. After all, you could be alone! Having an attitude of gratitude means that your partner will know that you appreciate them. Your appreciation will be obvious in your words and actions, and they will never need to question your feelings in this. Gratitude is like a big giant security blanket that will transform the overall feel of your relationship. Being thankful for your mate every single day is one of the most empowering things you can do to build a truly exceptional relationship.

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• Do you want your life to be different?  Do you want to be happier?
• What would you have to do differently today than you did yesterday?
• What habits and core beliefs would you have to change?
• Who would you have to become?

Infuse Happiness Into Your Habits

Infusing Mindfulness Into Your Day

Use Your Gifts to Increase Your Happiness

A Daily Practice

• Smile for 30 seconds
• Take 10 deep breaths
• Buy or pick yourself a flower
• Give someone a flower
• Listen to some inspiring music
• Give a stranger a heartfelt compliment
• Hug someone and mean it
• Paint, draw, write, sing – express yourself
• Write in your journal
• Call, email or text a friend to let them know you’re thinking about them
• Eat something small and decadent and savor every moment of it
• Excuse yourself from a negative or gossipy conversation
• Breathe deeply while you think of three things you’re grateful for
• Take a walk, move your body
• Take a nap
• Smile at the next three people you see
• Decide to be happier

The capsule wardrobe movement continues to gain momentum.
Fast fashion deserves criticism. And our culture’s obsession with ever-changing fashion trends is an artificial pursuit manufactured by those who benefit from it.
The capsule wardrobe movement is far from mainstream. But, elevated in the social consciousness by some high-profile personalities, more and more people are applying minimalist principles to their fashion.
Many people outside the movement remain skeptical. They wonder why anybody would intentionally choose to wear the same outfit every day—especially when financial resources are not in question.
Evaluating my personal experience with a minimal wardrobe and studying recent profiles in various publications, I have created this list of reasons.
If you have ever wondered why some successful people choose to wear the same outfit everyday, or better yet, if you are considering adopting a more streamlined wardrobe yourself, here are 8 convincing reasons:

1. Fewer decisions. Decision fatigue refers to the deteriorating quality of decisions made by an individual after a long session of decision making. For people who make significant decisions every day, the removal of even one—choosing clothes in the morning—leaves them with more mental space and better productivity throughout the day.
This forms the basis for President Barack Obama’s limited fashion options, “You’ll see I wear only gray or blue suits. I’m trying to pare down decisions. I don’t want to make decisions about what I’m eating or wearing. Because I have too many other decisions to make.” Mark Zuckerberg cites similar rationale. One less frivolous decision in the morning leads to better decisions on things that really matter.
2. Less time wasted. We have no idea how much of a burden our possessions have become until we begin to remove them. But when we do, we immediately discover a new life of freedom and opportunity. It was almost five years ago that I first experimented with Project 333—a personal challenge of wearing only 33 articles of clothing for a period of 3 months. The project is simple, life-changing, and wildly beneficial. I quickly discovered one of the greatest benefits of limiting my wardrobe: the gift of time. Getting ready in the morning became easier, quicker, and more efficient.
3. Less stress. Matilda Kahl, an art director in New York cites both decision fatigue and less time getting ready as her reason for wearing the same outfit everyday. But she adds another: less stress—specifically, less stress during the day over the decision she originally made in the morning. “Is this too formal? Is that too out there? Is this dress too short? Almost always, I’d choose something to wear I regretted as soon as I hit the subway platform.” But now, in her trademark silk white shirt and black trousers, she has one less source of anxiety during the day.
4. Less wasted energy. Christopher Nolan has created several of the most critically and commercially successful films of the early 21st century. But, according to New York Times Magazine, he decided long ago it was “a waste of energy to choose anew what to wear each day.” Now, he settles instead for a dark, narrow-lapeled jacket over a blue dress shirt with black trousers over sensible shoes to wear each day.
Christopher offers an important distinction when he refers to “wasted energy.” Not only do large wardrobes require more decision-making, they also require more maintenance, more organization, and more shuffling around. Additionally, while a capsule wardrobe may not result in less laundry, it does result in both easier laundry and storage.
5. Feeling put together. Denaye Barahona is a young mother in Dallas, TX. This spring, she exchanged her full, disorganized closet for a minimal wardrobe of versatile pieces she loves to wear. She summarizes the difference like this, “Pre-capsule, my wardrobe was like the Cheesecake Factory menu. It went on for days and was overwhelming. Most of my options didn’t fit right, didn’t look right, or I just plain didn’t like. On the other hand, my capsule wardrobe is like a fine-dining restaurant. I have fewer choices but I can be sure all of the choices will be amazing. Not only do I look better, I feel better.”
  Easy, versatile, and always put together. This is the promise and opportunity of a capsule wardrobe—and just one more reason the movement continues to grow.
6. Iconic. Alice Gregory is a writer living in New York City. Last year, her piece for J. Crew magazine brought a new word into my reasoning for wearing a uniform. She called it “Iconic. A cheap and easy way to feel famous.” She continues, “A uniform can be a way of performing maturity or, less charitably, impersonating it. A uniform insinuates the sort of sober priorities that ossify with age, as well as a deliberate past of editing and improving.”
Alice points out that wearing the same outfit everyday is a way of asserting your status as a protagonist. “This is the reason why characters in picture books never change their clothes: Children—like adults, if they’d only admit it—crave continuity. Adopting the habit of wearing a uniform is not unstylish—this is a classification that no longer applies.”
7. Less expense. Our closets are full of clothes and shoes purchased, but rarely worn. The average American family spends $1,700 on clothes annually. Which may not seem like a lot—until you consider that most clothing purchases are not based on need at all. In 1930, the average American woman owned nine outfits. Today, that figure is 30—one for every day of the month.
Living with a capsule wardrobe or adopting an iconic uniform removes most of the waste and expense from trial-and-error clothing purchases—not to mention all the time wasted shopping for items only to return later.
8. More peace. Last month, Drew Barrymore wrote an article for Refinery 29 highlighting her new stage of life and relationship with clothes. “For starters, I’m almost 40, and the 20s clothes don’t make sense anymore. And, after two babies, the 30s clothes don’t fit anymore. I am at a clothing crossroads, and it’s a painful one at times.” To counter these feelings, Drew put herself on a closet diet limiting her wardrobe and only buying items thoughtfully. Months later, her closet is “sane and happy.” Getting dressed is no longer a battle. And her fashion sense is “now calmer and more peaceful.”
We are a society drowning in our possessions. People are looking for freedom and rescue. They are searching for new solutions. No wonder the capsule wardrobe movement continues to grow.
Those who adopt minimalist principles in their wardrobe choices are discovering more productivity, less stress, less distraction, less expense, and more peace.
Maybe it is time you gave it a try.






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• Keep the promises you make.
• Express yourself freely, regardless of your environment.
• Admit when you flirt with someone and don't conceal your true intention about him/her.

1. When do you believe you are not congruent, in which situations do you lose the ability to show your congruence?
2. What can you do about it?