When I first started playing violin, my
teacher would criticize us every time we played even a bit off-key, sat a
few centimeters from ideal posture, or lost focus even for a slight
second. She was a hard teacher to please, and many students quit.
Each time I played, I was nervous I would
be the next one to be corrected in front of the class. But I looked
forward to playing for her every day, because I knew she was only harsh
to us because she wanted us to be better. Though I disliked being called
out in the middle of everyone, the result always led to me being a
better player. I knew the moment she stopped caring and calling out my
mistakes was the moment my progress would stop.
It has been more than 10 years since I
picked up my violin, but the lessons I learned from Ms. Allegood still
remain fresh in my mind each time I am working with others, from school
projects to business projects.
Who do you want to be?
None of us are perfect. We have our
strengths and weaknesses. And these strengths and weaknesses can be
sorted into four categories:
- Things you know you are good at (known-strengths)
- Things you know you are not good at (known-weaknesses)
- Things you don’t know you’re good at (unknown-strengths)
- Things you don’t know you’re not good at (unknown-weaknesses)
Playing the violin, you quickly learn
your knowns – which pieces of music you are good at, which pieces you
are not, which positions you are comfortable playing, and which ones you
are not. But it is hard to know your unknowns, and that is why a good
teacher matters. A good teacher points out your unknowns and challenges
you so you can discover your own unknowns. The result is that you become
a better player.
Each time I work with others on a team,
one of my goals is to further understand my strengths and weaknesses. I
want to develop my knowns while discovering my unknowns to make them
knowns.
It is easy to go from activity to
activity at work, doing enough to get by, and not worrying about your
personal development. Doing so would be wasting an opportunity to learn
and grow, to be doing the work that you want, to be making the impact
you want on the world, and to be paid what you want to be paid. By
caring about your personal development, you ensure that every task you
do, no matter how meaningless it might seem, will benefit you and help
you become the person you want to be.
Begin each task with a goal of how you want to develop by the end, even if it is just to be better at what you’re already doing.
Supercharge Your Personal Development
One of the fastest ways I’ve learned to
develop myself is to ask for feedback from people who see me in action.
I’ll ask for feedback as we’re working together as well as at the end.
Getting feedback can be hard since no one
likes being told they’re not good at something, but it is the process
of being vulnerable and allowing others to be candid with you that helps
you develop your knowns and uncover your unknowns.
Over the years, I learned that when
people I respect give me feedback, it is because they want me to be
better, much like Ms. Allegood 10 years earlier. Over time, I developed
three questions I would ask people I worked with.
- What should I stop doing?
- What should I start doing?
- What should I keep doing?
The answer to each helps me become a
better leader, a better teammate, and a better person. Each time I ask
these questions, I move closer to being the person I want to become.
Making the space safe
When I ask for feedback from people I’ve
worked with, people I’ve managed, and people who have managed me, I
provide the 3 questions ahead of time so they have time to think about
the answer. I make it known that I want to know the answer to these
questions so I can better myself as a person to give people the OK to be
completely honest with me.
Depending on the relationship we have and
what I know about the person, if they are comfortable, I’ll set up
one-one-one time to go over their answers. During this session, all I am
doing is listening, taking notes of their answers, and asking for
examples when I feel the answer is too vague. This is not the time to
uphold my ego; arguing or defending myself would defeat the purpose of
why we are having this session.
If the person is not comfortable telling
me in person, I will send out a mass anonymous email (usually to at
least 5 people I’ve worked with recently) with a survey form with the
same questions and get my feedback anonymously.
Putting feedback into actionable steps
No matter how I collect my answers, I
aggregate them into themes. Since no one person gets to see me all the
time, one person might say I am great at X, while another might say I am
not. Unless that person works with me a large amount of the time, I am
not looking for specific comments but for themes across different
people.
Once I have my themes identified, I
highlight the ones that represent strengths and ones that represent
areas for improvement so that when I work on my next team I continue to
demonstrate my strengths and work on my weaknesses.
Once the project concludes, I ask for more feedback and the cycle of personal improvement continues.
