Erin On The Side of Caution: Potential

Seven Ways to Play a Bigger Game This Year

In fifteen years of coaching high potential and senior leaders, I’ve conducted thousands of hours of colleague feedback interviews. One of the themes that I hear a lot from senior executives talking about high potential leaders is that the client needs to play a bigger game. What the executives mean by that is that the high potential needs to start making an impact beyond their immediate function and start acting as a leader of the entire organization and not just their function.

With the performance reviews and goal setting sessions that come at the beginning of the year, now is a great time to think about how you can play a bigger game this year – the kind of game that really changes things and makes a big difference.

In the last couple of weeks, I’ve asked around three dozen high potential leaders to answer the question, “What’s the one thing you need to do to play a bigger game this year?” I’ve boiled their answers down to seven ways to play a bigger game. If you’re ready to play a bigger game, you’ll want to take a look.

1. Take the risk: My observation, which just about all of my clients agree with, is that most leaders overestimate the risk and underestimate the rewards of taking the initiative or saying what needs to be said. To play a bigger game, take the risk.

2. Prioritize: An effective strategy is probably more about what you’re not going to do than what you’re going to do. To play a bigger game, you need to pick your spots. Prioritize.

3. Collaborate: In the bigger game, 1+1 = 3. To get bigger results, you have to work and play well with others. Proactively reach out to people of different interests. Seek input from a broader group. Collaborate.

4. Fight the legacy – If you’re organization is stuck in a rut, a bigger game can look like fighting the legacy of the way you’ve always done things. The bigger game here is leading an energetic shift from “not possible” to “possible.”

5. Customer focused creativity – Customer expectations get higher every year and can change at light speed. Part of the bigger game is to lead creative efforts that are focused on the customer experience.

6. Move faster – A big component of your bigger game may be encouraging others to move faster. Small experiments, shorter decision cycles, being clear about when it needs to be perfect and when good enough is good enough are all components of playing a faster, bigger game.

7. Show up everyday willing to be fired – There’s an iconic scene from the movie Risky Business in which an instigating friend counsels the protagonist, Joel that “Sometimes you just gotta’ say, ‘What the ****.’ Because saying ‘What the ****,’ gives you freedom. And freedom gives you opportunity and opportunity is your future, Joel.” The freedom to do what you need to do to play the biggest possible game only comes if you’re willing to be fired and believe that if it doesn’t work out here, it will work out somewhere else.

One other important point in addition to these different ideas on how to play a bigger game is that you still have to nail the basic expectations of whatever role you’re in. That’s the price of admission to play a bigger game.

What about you? What’s the one thing you need to do this year to play a bigger game? Please share your thoughts in a comment.

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The best leaders are those who lead people to believe in themselves.
People believe in themselves when they have a reason to commit to something significant and meaningful.
When people feel inspired by their leader, leadership is at its best. When people are made to feel important, when they know they matter and they have an important role, they bring their best to all they need to accomplish. Inspiration drives motivation.
When people understand the direction of the vision, leadership is at its prime. People need to know where they are heading and why they are headed there. Once they have that knowledge, they can leverage their talent to achieve great results. Direction fosters purpose.
When people feel safe to make mistakes, leadership is supportive. While success relies on innovation and creativity, it also takes many mistakes to succeed. When your people feel safe to fail, you have done your job in preparing them to meet challenges and letting them know they will go unscathed when they make mistakes. A safety net promotes security.
When people experience trust in their own ability, leadership is at its peak. Those you entrust feel important and empowered. Trust encourages people to bring their talent and knowledge and become part of the team. Trust leads to confidence.
When people know they can contribute in a meaningful way, leadership is optimal. It is important for people to know that they have a genuine contribution to make, that what they do is instrumental in achieving significant results. Meaning creates justification.

Give your people a reason to believe in themselves and watch them create something meaningful and significant.

Lead From Within: When you believe in people, you get people to believe in themselves. And when that happens you can achieve great things together.
- See more at: http://www.lollydaskal.com/leadership/lead-people-believe/#sthash.aatfVICm.dpuf

Give your people a reason to believe in themselves and watch them create something meaningful and significant.

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In Judging, Potential

Martha Graham on the Hidden Danger of Comparing Yourself to Others

Agnes de Mille had just achieved the greatest success of her career, but right now the only thing she felt was confusion.
She was a dancer and a choreographer. Early in her career, de Mille had created the choreography for a ballet called Three Virgins and a Devil. She thought it was good work, but nobody made much of it.
A few years later, de Mille choreographed a ballet named Rodeo. Again, she thought her work was solid, but it resulted in little commercial fame.

Agnes de Mille in her outfit for Rodeo
(Photograph by Maurice Seymour. Courtesy of Ronald Seymour/ Maurice Seymour Archive.)

Then, in 1943, de Mille choreographed Oklahoma!, a musical show from Rodgers and Hammerstein that enjoyed nearly instant success. In the coming years, Oklahoma! would run for an incredible 2,212 performances, both around the nation and abroad. In 1955, the film version won an Academy Award.

But the success of Oklahoma! confused her. She thought that her work on Oklahoma! was only average compared to some of her other creations. She later said, “After the opening of Oklahoma!, I suddenly had unexpected, flamboyant success for a work I thought was only fairly good, after years of neglect for work I thought was fine. I was bewildered and worried that my entire scale of values was untrustworthy. I talked to Martha.”
Martha was Martha Graham, perhaps the most influential dance choreographer of the 20th century. (Although not as well-known by the general public, Graham has been compared to other creative geniuses like Picasso or Frank Lloyd Wright.)
During their conversation, de Mille told Martha Graham about her frustration. “I confessed that I had a burning desire to be excellent, but no faith that I could be.” [1]
Graham responded by saying,

“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open.”

The Uselessness of Judging Yourself

For nearly two years, I have been publishing articles every Monday and Thursday on JamesClear.com. Some days the words come easier than others, and there have been plenty of times when I have felt a smaller version of what Agnes de Mille felt.
“I thought this was a good article. Why don’t people seem to enjoy it?” Or, I’ll feel like I mailed it in on a piece only to see it become the most popular post of the month. Regardless of the outcome, I’ve realized one thing: we are often terrible judges of our own work.
Martha Graham’s advice takes this concept a step further by explaining that not only are you a bad judge of your own work, it is not your job to judge your own work. It is not your place to compare it to others. It is not your responsibility to figure out how valuable it is or how useful it can be. It is not your job to tell yourself, “No.”
Instead, your responsibility is to create. Your job is share what you have to offer from where you are right now. To quote Pema Chodron, the Buddhist teacher, your job is to “come as you are.” (And then find your inner Sisu and keep coming.)
There are people in nearly every field of work who make each day a work of art by the way they do their craft. In other words, nearly everyone is an artist in one way or another. And every artist will judge their work. The key is to not let your self-judgment keep you from doing your thing. Professionals produce, even when it isn’t easy.

Keep Your Eyes on Your Own Paper

In grade school, I remember my teacher passing out an assignment and telling each student to “keep your eyes on your own paper.”
Perhaps she was simply trying to teach 8-year-olds to not cheat, but hidden within that phrase is also a deeper message about what really matters. It doesn’t make a difference what the person next to you writes down for his answer. This is your race to run. It’s your assignment to complete. It’s your answer to create. How your paper compares to someone else’s is not the point. The point is to fill the paper with your work.
The same can be said of your work today. No matter what you spend your days doing, every morning you wake up and have a blank piece of paper to work with. You get to put your name at the top and fill it with your work.
If what you write on your paper doesn’t meet someone else’s expectations … it is no concern of yours. The way someone else perceives what you do is a result of their own experiences (which you can’t control), their own tastes and preferences (which you can’t predict), and their own expectations (which you don’t set). If your choices don’t match their expectations that is their concern, not yours.
Your concern is to do the work, not to judge it. Your concern is to fall in love with the process, not to grade the outcome. Keep your eyes on your own paper.

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In Exercise, Potential

Yoga For Beginners - 40 Minute Home Yoga Workout

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In Inner critic, Mindfulness

How to Smack Down Your Inner Critic Once and For All

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent” – Eleanor Roosevelt

Do you have an inner critic that taunts you every time you trip up?

You know, that taunting voice that erupts the second you make a mistake?

You don’t know when it started, but for as long as you can remember it’s been with you, waiting for the slightest opportunity to launch its next attack.

And while you suspect its intentions are positive — to protect you from failures — in practice all it does is make things worse.

Favorite taunts of the ruthless inner critic

I’ve been absent-minded for as long as I can remember. I have difficulty focusing on one thing for long, which often leads to silly mistakes. Like losing things.

And this is where that inner critic jumps in.

“How could you be so careless?”

“Will you ever learn?”

“How could you be so irresponsible?”

This incessant voice was truly bringing me down. It was eroding my self-esteem. Every time I forgot something, it would nag me to the point of paralysis, unable to remedy the situation.

Things came to a head and I decided that I had to find a solution. I had to silence this inner critic once and for all.

At first I tried addressing the tendency to be absent-minded by creating lists using the Getting Things Done approach. This helped me get more organized but didn’t silence the harsh critic when I did forget things albeit less frequently.

I tried meditation and that helped to calm my mind but I struggled to keep up a daily practice that lasted for much more than a few minutes each day. I’m still working on expanding the length of the daily sessions.

After a bit of research, I discovered that cultivating a mindfulness practice was very powerful. I think of it as meditation in action. This turned out to be the answer I was looking for.

Mindfulness — an antidote to the chattering monkey mind?

Mindfulness is a psychological concept. It can be defined as being consistently attentive and aware of one’s mental patterns in a non-judgmental manner.

By using the breath as an anchor the practitioner is able to step back and ‘watch’ her thoughts without identifying with them.

Every time she becomes aware that her mind has run away with her thoughts, she consistently and gently brings her focus back to her breath and resumes watching the thoughts without identifying with them.

One of the benefits of a mindfulness practice is the capacity it creates in the mind of the practitioner to objectively observe, and then change deeply ingrained mental patterns.

I spent the next few months cultivating a mindfulness practice. I would watch my thoughts using my breath as an anchor. Inevitably I’d get lost in my thoughts and I’d use my breath as an anchor to go back to ‘watching’ my thoughts.

My first big test of my mindfulness practice

A few months after starting my mindfulness practice, I found myself on a familiar mental roller coaster. My mind had been particularly unruly that morning.

At about 11am, I discovered that the remote control key to my garage at home was missing.

I felt panic! Fear!

The monkey mind is a cruel mind

The usual tirade of thoughts filled with self-blame and shame ensued. The panic-driven questions seemed so reminiscent of my (well intentioned) caregivers from during my growing years:

“How could you have been so careless?”
“Can’t you even look after one little remote?”
“You should be ashamed of yourself. Seriously.”

… On and on it went.

As the barrage continued my morale dropped.

The shame, anger and hopelessness became overwhelming. I felt that familiar pit in my stomach. My shoulders dropped into a slouch.

At this point something interesting happened.

My mindfulness practice came to the rescue

Instead of slumping into my usual state of paralysis, I went into ‘automatic mode’ and I found myself taking a deep breath.

My attention came back to my breath. The destructive thinking continued to play itself out as I watched.

I chose not to react. Instead I objectively watched my thoughts play out the painful cycle of self-blame.

This act of objectively watching showed me that I had a choice not to react. Not to believe the thoughts like I had in the past. Instead I could choose to just let them pass across my mind like clouds moving across the sky.

I could choose to stop beating myself up. Right now!

Choosing not to identify with destructive thoughts. (Detachment)

I made the obvious choice. I didn’t buy into the destructive thoughts.

Instead, I watched them as my mindfulness training had taught me. I didn’t try to push them away but I didn’t indulge them either.

The destructive thoughts slowed down. They petered out into a mumble. They no longer had any power over me.

Then silence!

A spacious mind inspires constructive action

The silence created a certain ‘spaciousness’ in the mind.

Now my mind started to think constructively.

Rationally.

Now that I had moved past the destructive thinking I was free to take constructive action — i.e. to actually look for the remote.

I decided to retrace my steps to the café that I’d been to earlier that morning. I asked the owners if they had seen the remote. They said they hadn’t. My heart sank.

For a moment the anger and self-blame started to kick in again. The thoughts started to return

“You’re never going to find the remote, it’s lost”

“You’ll have to get another one. That’s a hundred bucks! ”

I went back to my breath. I “watched” the thoughts.

Soon they dissipated.

Spaciousness.

Again.

A-Ha!

At this point it occurred to me that I hadn’t had a good look under the table where I’d been sitting.

I looked under the table … and there it was!

The little remote was wedged beneath one of the legs of the table. Nicely tucked away out of sight — only visible to someone who was actually looking for it.

How mindfulness broke my cycle of self-blame

If I hadn’t been mindful I would never have retraced my steps or gone to the café. Even if I’d gone to the café I wouldn’t have had the presence of mind to look under the table.

After having been told by the owners that they hadn’t seen the key, I would have interpreted their message as being confirmation of my underlying belief.

That I was incapable, irresponsible and that I didn’t really deserve to find my garage keys since I’d lost them.

Mindfulness brought these destructive underlying beliefs out in the open and I got to watch them play through my mind as they tried to sabotage my day. I then had the opportunity to choose not to believe them anymore.

Are You Ready to Silence Your Inner Critic?

If you choose to cultivate a consistent mindfulness practice you will be amazed with the results.

The following are some specific ways in which mindfulness will vanquish your inner critic – once and for all.

1. A strong mindfulness practice can bring destructive thought patterns out into the open. Cultivating the capacity to ‘watch’ these destructive thought patterns means you can choose not to be victimized by them. Instead, you can take constructive action.

2. If you watch your mind consistently, using your breath as an anchor, you will start to see your mind’s workings with greater clarity over time. You won’t be a victim of destructive thinking and will make better choices that lead to constructive action.

3.You don’t need to either push the thoughts away or indulge them. You just watch them as they work through their ‘life cycle’. The act of watching is extremely powerful.

Do you have an inner critic? Does it berate you and undermine you, often without you realizing it?

If you do, then just stop.

And listen to your thoughts.

I mean truly listen.

Breathe. Listen.

It all starts with one deep breath.

Why don’t you give it a try? Right now.

How has your inner critic undermined you today?

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In Attitude, Inspire

7 Things That Shouldn’t Impress Us Anymore

Minimalism has changed me. What began as just a journey to own less stuff has changed the way I view myself and the world around me in significant ways.
One of the most significant changes is my reevaluation of how society defines success. Too often, those who make and spend and keep the most resources for themselves are labeled as the “successful ones.”
But this is unfortunate. Some of the best people I know would not be regarded as successful in worldly terms—precisely because they have decided to spend and focus their resources on less material things.
These people are far too rare—or at least, they do not get enough recognition. Instead, it seems ingrained in us to desire and appreciate the praise and the admiration of others. And because of that, many people will compromise greater and more worthwhile pursuits for the facade of temporal, worldly success.
I think it is important for us to no longer take the bait—to no longer heap accolades on those who flaunt selfish pursuits.
To that end, because of how my view of the world and its people has begun to change, I will offer a short list of things that no longer impress me:
The brand name of your clothing. Manufacturing practices are important. So is quality and fit. Why the name printed on the inside (and often times the outside) matter, I will never understand. Too often, people pay a premium just for the privilege of become a walking billboard. I am no longer impressed by the logo on your shirt, your purse, or the face of your watch. Instead, I admire those who are confident in timeless fashion and seek to make an impression by their character and their countenance.

The number of carats in your jewelry. One of the most important chapters in my new book, Only What Matters: The Life-Giving Benefits of Owning Less, contains the story of Bryan and Nicole. Bryan and Nicole, five years into their marriage, continue to make sacrifices each day to help pay off lingering wedding debt—most of which is wrapped around Nicole’s finger. While the size of the rock on someone’s finger is noticed by some, most are not even looking.
The price of your car. The goal of any vehicle is to safely transport persons from Point A to Point B. Reliability is important, so is comfort (especially if you spend lots of time in it). But most luxury (and sport) cars appeal to a different motivation, they are no longer just about transportation. They often appeal to our need to broadcast success and get noticed—even if that means impressing strangers for 60 seconds at a red light.
The square footage of your house. Houses provide shelter and opportunity for stability. They represent investment in both our finances and our neighborhood. Over the course of my life, I have owned several homes (just one at a time) and have experienced the pride that comes from providing and creating a home for my family. But years ago, we intentionally chose to downsize and buy a smaller one. It is a decision I have never regretted. And to this day, when I drive past a large house, the only thing I can think of is how much happier we are in a small one.

The dollars in your bank account. The ultimate measure of success in our world today is personal wealth. Incidentally, we are not the first—this standard holds true across almost every society from the beginning of time. But I’m starting to wonder if we have been using the wrong measure. Maybe the number of dollars in a bank account is not the greatest measurement of success. Maybe instead, the amount of good we are able to accomplish with our lives is a truer measure of success
The model of your cell phone. Just the other day, I was spending time at a local park with my kids and a group of their friends. One of the most repeated conversations I overheard was their constant comparison of technology. “Which iPhone do you have? What number iPod is that? And guess who just got a new iPad for her birthday?” It was alarming to hear kids under the age of 10 spend so much energy comparing models of battery-powered electronics. And as much as I wanted to blame them and correct them, I was reminded that we adults are not that different. If we are not comparing cell phones, we are often lusting after faster computers and bigger television screens.
The age of your retirement. Retirement is the ultimate goal for most people. Unfortunately, this creates an attitude that sees the greatest goal of work is to remove ourselves from it. I think that approach is short-sighted and fails to recognize the fulfillment we find in it. But more than that, the age of someone’s retirement is based on countless factors, many of which are outside of anyone’s control—one man may strike it rich by simply being in the right place at the right time, while another may have experienced the exact opposite circumstance (just ask any number of 65-year old Baby Boomers). And this doesn’t even begin to count those who will continue working late in life because they have graciously used their financial resources to bless others.

The photos on your social media account. Almost everyone posts flattering images and experiences of themselves online—from new clothes and restaurant food to local concerts and airplane wings. These images are closely guarded and selected routinely portraying only the most exciting parts of our lives. With foolish abandon, we blame Photoshop for perpetuating unattainable images of perfection while simultaneously editing and photoshopping our own lives for social media.
Let’s stop trying to impress others with the things that we own. And start trying to inspire them by the lives that we live.

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In Attitude, Depression

6 Mistakes We Make When Depressed or Having a Panic Attack

“You are today where your thoughts have brought you; you will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you.” ~James Allen

When I was eighteen I went through a very stressful period, which led to the onset of panic attacks. I often remember how in bed one night I was suddenly overwhelmed by a feeling of terror. I’d never experienced such fear before. Sure, I was scared of lots of things, but this new feeling was unique.
The most accurate way I can describe it is a kind of animal-like horror. It seemed to have come from the deepest, darkest recesses of my subconscious mind, caused by primeval, bestial mechanisms.
The feeling was so deep and all encompassing that it was as if nothing else existed, just this fear coursing through my body as I writhed about, sweaty and tense.
The most unfamiliar and therefore terrifying aspect of the fear was that it didn’t have an object: it wasn’t clear what I was actually afraid of. From the very start, it was simply fear—unconnected to any tangible thing.
That night marked the beginning of my period of panic attacks. Over time, depression, anxiety, sleep problems, and general health issues augmented these.
At the age of twenty-four, I started to fight back; with the help of meditation I managed to get over my depression and panic, and now they no longer torment me.
During my struggle I came to realize that I was hindering myself with mistakes I was making, and it was only when I overcame these that I started to make real progress.
I often talk with people who have been or are going through the same kinds of problems, and I notice just how many of them also come up against these mistakes. So what are they?

1. Resisting.

When we feel a bad mood, depression, or panic coming on, our first wish is to get rid of it as quickly as possible, to change the “bad” mood into a “good” one. This is natural; it’s how we’re made. But all too often our attempts just make everything worse.
Resistance forces us to think constantly about our condition, to focus all of our attention on it, to feel bad because it won’t go away, to wait tensely for relief.
But the simple truth is that you can’t control everything. Attempting to get your condition “under control” often leads to extra stress and unwanted bad feelings. It’s sometimes best just to relinquish control and cease resistance.
If we relax and let our depression or panic come without trying to control anything, accepting that they’re only temporary feelings which will pass in due course, things become much easier.

2. Feeling bad about feeling bad.

We start to have thoughts such as “I’m going to die or go crazy,” “This’ll never end,” and “I hate that I can’t enjoy life like other people; I feel utterly miserable.”
Our mind starts to add new fears and negative emotions to the depression we already have. And, as I saw for myself, these fears and feelings end up constituting the main part of our condition.
It’s actually your mind, not the depression and panic themselves, which makes each episode so unbearable.
If you don’t believe me, try this experiment: The next time you’re overwhelmed by an attack, try to simply observe it without getting caught up in or assessing it in any way. Just watch it in its pure form, without any thoughts. Try to notice which parts of your body you feel it in and how it comes and goes.
In this way, you’ll remove your mind from the formula of your distress. You’ll notice how much weaker the attacks become when they’re no longer supported by your thought processes. Give it a try, making notes of the results if you like. Would it be true to say that it’s not all as terrifying and dreadful as it seemed at first?
When you stop feeding your depression with fears and thoughts it becomes much easier to shake off.

3. Comparing.

“Everything was so good when I wasn’t depressed! What an amazing time it was, and how awful it is now. Why can’t I go back?!” These are the kinds of things many people think, me included, but such thoughts bring nothing but harm.
If you want to beat depression or panic, you have to stop comparing. Forget that there’s a past and future. What’s happened has happened. Don’t dwell on it, and instead live in the here and now.
Start with what you have, and don’t think about how it all was before. Learning how to live in the present moment will make your depression or panic much more bearable.

4. Asking pointless questions.

Many people spend hours asking themselves all kinds of questions: “When will this end?” “Why me?” and “What have I done to deserve this?”
To make use of a well-known Buddhist parable, these questions are as much use as trying to figure out the source of the arrow which blinded you: it’s just not that important. What you need to know is how to pull the arrow out.
Questions of the “Why me?” ilk just make your condition worse, forcing you as they do to complain and be upset about something that’s already happened. Focus on what will help you get past your depression and don’t bother with questions which don’t serve this purpose.

5. Believing your fears.

We think that because we experience such fear at the idea of going outside, meeting people, or going on the underground, it means that something bad is going to happen. There’s nothing surprising in this, because nature has made fear in order to warn us of danger. We’re made in such a way that we instinctively believe this fear and respond to it.
But our fear hardly ever arises due to a real threat. For example, the fear of losing your mind or suffocating during a panic attack is simply fallacious. Stop believing this fear. Whatever it is you’re afraid of at these times isn’t going to happen.
Fear is nothing more than a feeling, a chemical reaction in your head. If you’re overcome with terror when you go down into the underground, it doesn’t mean that something horrific is laying in wait there. It’s like a malfunctioning fire alarm—just because it’s going off doesn’t mean there’s actually a fire.
So stop listening to your “inner alarm” every time it goes off. Don’t pay it any heed: go out, meet your friends, get on a plane, and let the alarm keep ringing. Nor should you try to “switch it off,” as this doesn’t always work. Just ignore it. In other words, stop taking your fear as something real.

6. Seeking reasons for your depression in the outside world.

This is another mistake I made myself. I thought that my malaise was linked solely to the way my life and work were going. I believed that if I could just change that, I’d be happy.
But then, with meditation, I realized that everything I needed to be happy was inside me, and likewise what was causing me to suffer!
I was so edgy, anxious, feeble, caught up in bad habits, undisciplined, and irresponsible that even if I’d succeeded in changing the external circumstances of my life, the traits that had given rise to my depression would still be there.
In order to get rid of my depression, I had to get rid of the internal reasons that had caused it.
So don’t keep telling yourself, “If I get a new job, everything’ll be smooth sailing,” or “If I get rid of everything I’m scared of, there won’t be anything to be afraid of any more.” Your depression and fears reside inside you, so wherever you are, they will be too, projected onto the outside world.
Of course, this doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t strive to improve your life. First of all, though, you need to direct your efforts inwards.

Conclusion: Acting Against What Feels Like Common Sense

Now, when I look at these mistakes and remember making them myself, I can see the one thing that unites them.
The reason we make them is that when depression or panic pounces on us, we start to think and act in the way our instincts and gut feelings tell to us. “Be afraid, run away, resist, danger awaits you everywhere, you’re trapped,” they whisper.
Tuning in to this during a bout of depression aggravates our situation. This is because our mind, emotions, and instincts are strongly conditioned by depression, so listening to them is like listening to the voice of a malicious, invisible demon intent on leading you to ruin.
To free yourself from depression once and for all you have to drop all your notions of common sense; abandoning your sense of reason, you must act against them.
Don’t resist your depression, accept your fears and allow them to simply pass; don’t get caught up in them and don’t believe them; don’t compare your current situation to how it was before—all things that feel illogical when you’re in a state of terror or intense depression.
What I’m advising may seem to be the polar opposite of what your gut encourages you to do. But it’s precisely because people continue to give credence to and obey these feelings that depression is such a widespread complaint. You need to act somewhat paradoxically to get rid of it.
My own experience has convinced me of this. The understanding I reached allowed me to come through my difficult situation and continues to help me cope with challenges I encounter on my journey.

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In Personal Development, Personal Power

The 16 Things That Successful People Don't Do

Here are the top 16 things that I have found that successful people don't do.

They don't:

1. Spend time feeling sorry for themselves. Did you find it interesting those questions that I asked you placed you in the mindset of feeling sorry for yourself? Well, notice that number one is successful people do not murmur and complain. They don't participate in those behaviors because they are immediate responsibility takers and murmuring and complaining goes against taking full responsibility for their actions and gets their minds thinking about themselves and off their purpose. Setbacks are part of a successful journal which a successful person well understands therefore their behavior and actions dovetail that of someone whose mind is in proper alignment for success. When a successful person experiences a setback the difference is that they will say "O.K. it happened and next" They move on and regroup immediately. They understand that dwelling only digs a deeper hole for them and it does not benefit anyone.

2. Cringe of change. A successful person understands that change is part of life. Change happens and the only thing that they concern themselves with is how they will deal with the change. A successful person takes an instant posture and mindset to embrace change and consider it a challenge. They begin to see change as new and exciting possibilities to grow, enhance their lives, develop more knowledge and because of that positive mindset a change can become a successful person's setting for their best work to be performed.

3. Yield their power. A successful person understands that their strength comes from something much greater than they truly possess. Their strength is in how they respond to situations. I had a brand new car that still had the new car smell inside of it and after a few months of driving the car the car would not start on a morning that I was not necessarily running late but if I did not stay on point I would be late. Every minute was accounted for. Well, when I went to start my car it would not that morning. I remember trying a few times and still no power. I called Triple "A" and they told me that it would be over an hour before they could get to me. I remember thinking to myself after that call to Triple "A" obviously there is something God is saving me from and I shifted. I did not get angry, frustrated or irritated. Because I did not show any of those emotions it allowed me to stay in a right mindset and I was able to think outside of the box and was able to have the meeting over the phone, and having the meeting over the phone saved gas, time and energy driving to it. So it all worked out. Know that successful people maintain control of their emotions and actions, and do not give someone else or something else control over them.

4. Spend time or energy on stuff that is out of their hands. A successful person doesn't allow themselves to spend one minute on things outside of their control. They understand there are things that they cannot control, long lines, being placed on hold, other annoying circumstances. Spending valuable time on things that are unimportant and inconsequential are just that time wasters. Successful people fully understand that these are things they can't control, and also realize that spending costly time and energy thinking about them is unproductive.

5. Fear risk. That four letter word is one that puts fear into most individuals and that word is 'risk'. Risk is not something that successful people fear because by their very nature they are risk takers. I have to believe that if I said it this way that most people would change their outlook and mindset in regards to taking risks. Let me say it this way instead of using the word risk let's use the word opportunity. The reason I want you to change the word risk is because many people will see it as someone jumping into a reckless situation. Successful people handle situations with careful consideration, strategic thought and focused action.

6. Worry about what others think. This is a quality that successful people have in their DNA and it is called finesse. As much as we all want people to like us in everything that we do, successful people realize that is not realistic. They understand no matter what they do and it could be something like curing world hunger, there will be somebody who does not like the way it happened or even that it happened. They understand they cannot and will not please everyone so they approach situations and circumstances with kindness, honesty and fairness, knowing when and what to say at the appropriate time.

7. Make the same mistake twice. Many times individuals can spend a lot of time pontificating on a situation, decision or circumstance that was unsuccessful. This is the very thing that successful people do not do. They take any and every failure as a learning opportunity. The first thing that they learn is to not do it again. They do not spend time in the world of insanity, doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. Successful people know better.

8. Live for glory days. Who can change the past? NOONE! Successful people understand this well. Dwelling and thinking about the past does not benefit anyone, especially if it is something negative. Successful people invest in themselves and the development of their minds and part of that investment is spent creating a fantastic present which they understand is the only thing that they can change and time planning for an amazing future!

9. Give up. Ever! Give up and do what? That is what a successful person says to themselves every time. Giving up is not an option that they have so consideration of giving up is impossible for a successful person to fathom. Perseverance and reaching their goal is the option that they have only.

10. Envy others. Successful people view other successful people as motivators. They use those individual's success as a source of inspiration and not resentment. Successful people have an overall attitude of joy for other's success because they understand that the platform for successful people is large and there is room for everyone. They also know that if you are on that platform you deserve to be there.

11. Avoid time alone. Actually, they enjoy some alone time to reflect and plan ahead. While a successful person does enjoy the company of others, he/she can also be content to sit alone and read or rest.

12. Expect quick success. Successful people are in it for the long haul. They enjoy the process and look forward to the win. They understand that planning and execution of said plan takes well-thought out time. Patience becomes their friend and they understand how it is truly a virtue. Successful people do not live with improper or unreasonable expectations. They understand that their success could take a long time; therefore looking to have immediate results is not smart.

13. Think they are owed something. Successful people are probably the hardest working individuals on earth. These are the individuals who develop cell phones that we love, start a campaign for breast cancer and make pink great, take their talents doing what they love to do but we enjoy watching them in stadiums or on television or create a program where we can talk with our family and friends. Successful people do not rely on their education or past successes. They do not feel entitled to have the world at their feet. They do not mind working for want they desire whether a big salary, fancy title, amazing benefits, or free lunch.

14. Value money over time. Successful people understand that time is the most valuable thing that they possess. They realize that they could lose $100,000 in a day or make $100,000 in a day, but the one thing that they cannot do is get that day back. Therefore, they structure what they do to leverage their time.

15. Rely on memory they write stuff down. The Bible tells me to write the vision and make it plain. A successful person understands that better than anyone. They know that if they do not write it down it is likely that they do not or will not remember the details. Also, they understand that writing it down allows for them to follow a definite plan of action. Since successful people are planners writing things down give them direction, it outlines their purpose, it puts their dreams and desires in front of them as an accountability tool hence success is more likely. Successful people are humble enough to know that no one individual can remember a plan in their head alone.

16. Talk more than they listen and observe. Successful people understand that they should be consummate learners. In order for them to perfect their trade they are to be students at all times. Successful people are aware that it takes a level of knowledge and understanding to achieve at a higher level than the norm. I recently watched a Michael Jackson documentary and he said that he always asked questions, he was always curious. He wanted to be a perfectionist. Although perfection is impossible for us all, one thing that I know is if we strive for it we will come close.

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Seven Ways to Play a Bigger Game This Year